She sat across from me at the local coffee shop, checking her phone, looking around as we “got to know each other.” I was the new gal in town and since it wasn’t my first rodeo, I was out there doing what I do best or at the very least what I know I need to do to acquire that sense of belonging in a new place. I was reaching out to a fellow mom, a local, in the hopes of finding that one friend that can instantly take you from outsider status to outsider with a friend status.
We discussed the move, the re-locations before this one, the kids and all the other usually safe topics that come up in polite conversation. In some ways, it was like the job interview I didn’t see on my wall calendar that morning as I stood in the kitchen, coffee in hand, making sure I didn’t forget my kid’s project or overlook a dentist appointment. I recall finding it strange when she glanced up from her phone to ask me what I was into in high school. Both in our late thirties, I didn’t see the relevance of her question given that neither one of us was likely the same person we were during the most terrifying, unsettling, and awkward four years of a person’s life. Nonetheless, I happily chimed on about being athletic, a cheerleader, class secretary, etc.
In the midst of my recounting my nose always having been in a book and how many of my friends were with me from kindergarten through high school, she suddenly glanced up and said, “Oh, you’re a joiner.” I paused mid-sentence, “Excuse me?” She repeated, “You’re a joiner” and went back to her cellphone. I sat in silence for a moment, not exactly sure why I felt offended by her nonchalant comment.
Truth be told, all the activities I had mentioned were clubs of some sort. Maybe it was the way she said the word “joiner” that made it sound like a negative thing. Maybe it was because as I had gotten older, I had begun to take pride in being my own person, standing up for my beliefs and following my passions no matter what other’s opinions might be. Maybe it was because the last thing I now saw myself as was a “joiner.” Instead, priding myself on being more of an individual. Maybe it was just the way she said it with such conviction, as though she had me all figured out. Then again, maybe it was because I didn’t want to admit there might be some truth to it.
This week is the first week of something called NanoWrimo, National Novel Writing Month, which is “a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing on November 1st. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 on November 30th.”
This mother of two, wife of one, writer and weekly blogger, crazy lady who should be committed, instead committed to this challenge because keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and getting back into my regular workout routine with my new personal trainer isn’t enough. Apparently, I need more!
Cry for Help: I’ve lost my mind. If found, please return immediately as I’m going to need it to complete this novel and, you know, other stuff in my life.
The thing is ever since this summer when my husband and I decided to enroll the kids in school instead of continuing to homeschool them, I’ve been saying I would use the “free” time to write my second book, a novel. Somehow, I never find that “free”time to dedicate to it. So, when the NanoWrimo talk started last month my “joiner” wheels started spinning. An actual goal, a commitment to join the masses all working toward a similar goal, complete with pep talks by famous authors and a community of support every step of the way. By the way, I was giddy to find a letter from James Patterson in my inbox discussing the importance of outlining my novel before beginning. I took your advice Mr. Patterson, thank you.
So, yeah I guess I am a “joiner” but right now I don’t see it as a negative thing. If being a “joiner” means being a part of something bigger alongside some amazing writers and sharing in the highs and lows of pursuing a dream, completing a project, reaching a goal, then color me a “joiner” and let me be.
If it means on those days when – I’m struggling to get my kids off to school on time, not in their pajamas, with more than a pop tart and glass of recently expired (but not so expired as to be dangerous) milk, all while mentally kicking myself in the butt for believing for two seconds I would be able to pull off coherent sentences with only the creativity found in the bottom of a second cup of coffee, let alone write a complete novel in a one month period – I will log onto my NanoWrimo community and find that others can relate and share in my self doubt and misery, then I’m proud to be a “joiner” and will shout it from the rooftops!
Bring it on “joiner” haters!
I’ll be the one with the completed semi-completed novel (depending on how much “free time” I have) at the end of November.
“I’m a joiner! He’s a joiner! Wouldn’t you like to be a joiner too? Be a joiner! Oohh be a joiner! (sung to the Dr. Pepper jingle)
Are you a joiner?
I don’t know (or care, frankly) if I could be classified as a “joiner”, but I AM participating in NaNoWriMo— mostly because I just want to see if I can write fiction (other than screenplays, which are fictional, but quite different in the writing process). That’s as good a reason as I need to “join”!
So, by jumping into a pool of great minds, supportive folks, awesome bloggers/writers and learn something everyday makes one a joiner? Count me in!
My first time doing NaBoPloMo and the support is great. 🙂
[…] She sat across from me at the local coffee shop, checking her phone, looking around as we “got to know each other.” I was the new gal in town and since it wasn’t my first rodeo, I was out there doing what I do best or at the very least what I know… […]
Throughout high school and university, I was never one to join clubs. But all the “joiners” I know have the most friends I’ve ever seen, they’ve all bonded over so many things- same when I finally gave into being a “joiner” and started NaNoWriMo, the community spirit is amazing I’m just annoyed I didn’t do it sooner. Good luck with your second book 🙂
That’s exactly what went through my mind when she made it sound like such a bad thing. I wouldn’t trade the friendships I forged through being a “joiner” for anything. Good luck to you too. Look for me out there and we can be writing buddies. I plan to check out the forums tomorrow.
I’m a joiner! We should be NaNo writing buddies. If you want to find me on there, I’m taw1978. I also wrote a post about some strategies I’m going to use for NaNo this year. Good luck! http://penpaperpad.com/2013/11/nanowrimo-strategy-2013/
I’ll definitely look for you and check out your tips. Thanks for sharing!
My human’s doing it too! The forums are great aren’t they! How are you finding it? =^.^=
Yay! I haven’t even ventured into the forums yet, but plan to check them out tomorrow. Look for me and we can be buddies there too.
Anything can be made to sound rude if it’s delivered in such a disdainful way! She could have been like “Oh, so you’re a really nice person then” and you probably would have felt dirty inside.
I am like the opposite of a joiner. I am a drifter. I need a little more joining in my life though– I envy your committment to NaNo and I hope you kick arse!
Thank you. You make a great point. Drifter isn’t a bad thing either. Maybe finding some balance between the two is the way to go!
Good for you, Leah! Best of luck with it. I did it last year and thought it was a valuable experience. I think you’ll have no trouble!
Thanks. I’m definitely trying to focus on the experience and not get caught up in the word count pressure. We shall see.
I love superhero teams, but simply put, I don’t have the time to be a joiner!
Good luck to you, my friend. You’re made of strong stuff, so I know you’ll do well.
You know I love me some superhero teams too! It’s my first go round at NanoWrimo. My family still comes first so I’m just shooting for progress without sacrificing quality. Thanks for stopping by!
I don’t agree with your coffee shop brush-by’s snobby attitude about being “a joiner.” I like joining 50,0000 like-minded folks to cheer on a sports team in a full stadium. You like joining NaNoWriMo. Both are good.
Me too! I’m a huge football fan. Never thought of it that way, but I’m definitely a joiner in that respect too. 🙂
What a rude comment! I know we have such a negative connotation with that word, implying that you are just following the crowd…. but you are right, it’s about joining something bigger than yourself and getting support for a meaningful goal, and that’s all good! Good luck with your writing!
Thank you. The comment obviously bugged me because there are so many instances when joining something is a really positive experience.
I wanted to,oh so wanted to, but I wasn’t yet sure of my own writing knowledge. So I didn’t join. But the itch was there thanks to some ladies who wrote about it in blogs and even had tips.
I wish you luck on the 1667 words a day.
Keep smiling
Thank you. It’s my first time to participate and I’m being realistic. I have a life and family to tend to as well. Just going to try and enjoy the experience.