The Me I Was Meant To Be

 

Umbrellas3I wish I had known…

to savor the days of free play and extra recess

the days of playing outside ’til the sun set and mom called us for dinner

the secrets whispered between friends with a giggle and a pinky swear

I wish I had known to be more understanding of the classmate who pulled my hair

or the new kid who didn’t quite fit in or the teacher who was just having a rough day

I wish I had known an “F” wasn’t the end of the world and neither was a broken heart

or that my hair, my clothes, my friends, wouldn’t define me then or now

I wish I had known to indulge in the sheer joy the sound of the ice cream truck gave me as it turned the corner

to treasure that first lick of the first Bomb Pop of the first day of summer

I wish I had known to cherish a ride on my dad’s shoulders and the wind in my face as I pumped my legs on the swing – flying higher and higher

And the afternoons when the world awaited but all I could muster was “I’m bored”

I wish I had known that friendships don’t last forever, unrequited love makes you stronger and rumors are as fleeting as a fifteen year old girl’s fickle heart

I wish I had known to be kinder to the boy who had a crush, the girl who was rude, the teacher who criticized me

that they each had a story only they knew that shaped them in ways I couldn’t understand

I wish I had known to take time to travel the world, explore faraway lands

that coming home is that much sweeter when you’ve found a bit of yourself on different soil

I wish I had known it’s okay to change your mind even when there is only one path you’ve allowed yourself to travel

that a plan is just a plan and can be molded and kneaded or thrown away all together

I wish I had known love often lingers nearby if we only take a moment to see others with fresh eyes

I wish I had known that moments like first kisses are just that

that some things you can’t ever go back to can’t ever relive making that first something worth savoring

I wish I had known to hold my babies a little longer before they outgrew my lap but never my heart

I wish I had known how much love I was capable of even for those who seemed undeserving

I wish I had known my parents’ protectiveness was something I would fully understand one day

that they were just as human as I am doing the best with what they had

I wish I had known there would be moments I would need the strength of the eight year old me

and the fearless nature of the tree climbing tomboy still within me

the determination of the stubborn little girl who refused to wear dresses

and the faith of the pajama clad ten year old on her knees placing her worries in God’s hands

I wish I had known that the patience it took to build a house of cards would come in handy

but that house of cards could crumble in a split second with one wrong choice

I wish I had known none of these bits of knowledge were necessary then or now

regrets are inevitable, disappointment unavoidable and failure inescapable

I wish I had known without them contentment would be impossible, personal satisfaction unattainable and success elusive

I wish I had known each moment simply led to a choice which led to another moment that would create an endless chain of moments connected by one purpose – the piecing together of the me I was meant to be…

 

This post was written as part of Finish The Sentence Friday, “I Wish I’d Known…”

 

12 thoughts on “The Me I Was Meant To Be

  1. There are rare occasions when I read something so awesome that not only am I jealous I didn’t write it myself but it touches me on a level so deep inside that it will stick with me long after I’ve put it away. This is one of those occasions. Bravo!

  2. That last sentence is gorgeous, and perfectly captures what it is to be human. So many tiny pieces that make up who were are – if we had known, would those pieces be the same?

  3. I love that the threads of who you were in each of those moments are woven through time and inextricably part of your being. I love that you remember those people and places and times which meant so much to you, which were so fleeting, yet left such impact.

    I think you’re wonderful, and I’m glad for everything which made and makes you 🙂

  4. Lovely, it was written so poetically. I caught a fleeting throwback of me in pre-school with a dress on. I was a tomboy too, so when I chose to dress up, I wanted to be dainty and spin around in my spin around dress and fluffy panties. And I did. I stood on the sidelines of whatever daycare recess was called, spun around and didn’t get dirty.

  5. Oh this is just so beautiful, and deeply touching. “I wish I had known each moment simply led to a choice which led to another moment that would create an endless chain of moments connected by one purpose – the piecing together of the me I was meant to be…” <— LOVE.

  6. Exquisite imagery friend. I especially liked finding a piece of yourself on other soil. And the babies growing. And your dad and swinging higher and higher. This is truly lovely and I’m so very glad that you linked up!

  7. Gorgeous images. To think they’re all swirling inside you! This was a breath of fresh air to read.

  8. The me I was meant to be. Nothing more than an image that changed over the years. Everything I am not suppose to be. I am today before you.

    I wish I’d never met regret.

    Something truly to think about.

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