1. Workout Barbie: She enters the gym as though we’re all expecting her a la “the party don’t start ’til I walk in.”
1. Sweaty Barbie: She enters the gym already sweating from the effort of getting the kids to school, dogs walked, etc.
2. Sweaty Barbie: She has arrived in whatever clean super hero t-shirt she found that morning, paired with Target shorts of some variety. Getting dressed was a workout in itself for Sweaty Barbie.
3. Workout Barbie: Eye contact is minimal or at least it would appear that way…hard to tell since she crosses the length of the gym, eyes hidden behind her Tom Ford sunglasses.
3. Sweaty Barbie: Eye contact is minimal in order to avoid anyone mistaking eye contact for an invitation to chat. Sweaty Barbie just wants to get in and get out.
4. Workout Barbie: She heads straight for the locker room, Hermes bag slung over her shoulder.
4. Sweaty Barbie: She heads straight for the locker room to throw her purse and keys in a locker and slap her two dollar pad lock on the door.
5. Workout Barbie: Upon entering the fitness class room, she surveys the lay of the land daring anyone to invade her regular spot, not quite front and center…more like front and a bit to the right of the instructor.
5. Sweaty Barbie: Upon entering the fitness class room, she surveys the lay of the land, making a bee line for the spot furthest in the back where she can hopefully blend into the back wall.
6. Workout Barbie: As she settles into “her spot” she’s overheard expressing her disgust over the three or four drops of sweat on the wood floor left over from the previous class.
7. Workout Barbie: She summons a gym employee to mop up her area, shaking her fully made up face the entire time the mopping takes place.
7. Sweaty Barbie: Face completely devoid of makeup and in need of a good waxing, she shakes her head in disbelief at some people’s lack of common courtesy, actually making eye contact with the gym employee and sharing a smile.
8. Workout Barbie: While the rest of the members exchange “good mornings” she is in her own world, finding it difficult to turn away from her reflection in the mirror.
8. Sweaty Barbie: While the rest of the members exchange “good mornings” she is adjusting and readjusting her new sports bra, hoping it will hold up during class.
9. Workout Barbie: She NEVER sweats throughout the entire one hour class nor does she ever take a single sip from her glass Voss water bottle.
9. Sweaty Barbie: She sweats throughout the ENTIRE one hour class and downs her Dasani water bottle refilled at home for the third day in a row.
10. Workout Barbie: At the end of class, dry towel in hand, makeup still fresh, ponytail still intact, she heads straight to the instructor to let her know what a great class she taught.
10. Sweaty Barbie: At the end of class, dripping wet towel in hand, sweat pouring down her face, hair all askew, she heads the hell out before anyone notices the sweat puddle she left behind or the instructor gets a good look at her. She can pretend she’s new to the class again tomorrow.
Have you ever witnessed Workout Barbie or Workout Ken at your gym? How about Sweaty Barbie or Sweaty Ken?
Do you dare tell me which one you are?